Dear Gail:
I am a 72 year old man whose been dating a 68 year old smart, successful, attractive, SEXUALLY INSATIABLE woman for the past 1 1/2 years. I’m sure there are multitudes of men that envy me but “be careful what you wish for.” I’m exhausted. I can’t keep up with her sexual needs and fresh out of excuses because they don’t work! She has the appetite of an 18 year old boy. Help me!
Brian
Dear Brian:
Whoa baby, I’m exhausted reading your letter. Insatiable you say!? I am incredulous and jealous. You darlin’, simultaneously won and lost the lottery. I could give you a list of men that would trade places with you later today. This is the stuff of “Nine ½ Weeks” plus 70. I assume you’ve tried, “I have a headache,” the anchor tenant of any relationship. There is always Fred Sanford’s clutching of the heart and moaning “This is the big one.” And you could try an improbable but creative, “the dog ate my dick.”
I’m shocked menopause hasn’t sent her sexual appetite to an early grave. It’s Mother Nature’s little midlife joke that shifts a sex drive into park. And the first time you experience what I fondly call, “sandpaper sex”
will make you wish you were in an early grave.
I assume your girlfriend has an endless supply of hormone replacement products. And you are probably going broke on penile puppy uppers . The two of you are a dream come true for Big Pharma.
Brian, I can only say, “I’ll have what she’s having.”
It’s his own fault for linking up with a younger woman.
They don't call them the "sexy sixties" for nothing! At his age, he could always a fake a groin injury a la Larry David and go on a "No-Sex Rx" for a good two weeks and just sleep! By then, she'll probably be ready to burst but at least he'd have had a vacay??? Just a thought :)