CONFESSIONS OF A SLOB

A SLOB SEEKS HELP

Dear Gail,

I’m a widower, age 65, and admittedly I am a slob. My wife let me be, but here’s the problem - I’ve struck up a rather serious online relationship with a woman. We have not actually met face-to-face but she’s going to be visiting me at my home.  We agreed to spend a week together, and see how it goes.  I’ve made attempts at cleaning up my residence but I’m afraid, she’s eventually going to find what I really am.

Should I tell her before she arrives?

What do you think?

Stan F. 

Dear Stan:

 Are you out of your freaking mind?!!?  She’s staying a week!? I don’t care how messy your house is, seven days is SIX too many with a woman you’ve never met in the three dimensional world.  Regardless of the endless hours, months or years you have spent communicating on line or the ”deep” connection you’ve forged as a result , it’s still fantasyland.  Fantasy baby!  

No matter how many times zones away she is, consider meeting for coffee close to the airport.   

This is risky turf as you’re not Tony and Maria from West Side Story locking love struck eyes and bursting into song. Please don’t burst into song. She won’t be examining your house she’ll be staring at you and vice versa. Real people can be a shock. I’ve had men fly to meet me and I promise it rarely lives up to the nerve wracking anticipation.  I’m grateful for return tickets! 

But if it’s the mess you’re really worried about, call a cleaning service ASAP. Pricey, but you might actually enjoy cleanliness more than her.

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash