KISS ME QUICK THERE GOES MY UPPER LIP

BOOMER BUMMERS

Dear Gail,

Here’s something that’s been troubling me; maybe you can help. 

When I was a kid I spent a lot of time at my grandparents’ house where my grandfather would have his friends over and do nothing but talk about their ailments, aches, pains, and endless doctor appointments. Occasionally one of them would hoist his shirt up to reveal some hideous incision, which filled me with horror and revulsion. 

 I’m older now, and find I’m doing the same thing with my friends.

Do women do this too?

Regards,

Benn

Dear Benn:

What a coincidence!  I was just on the phone coughing nonstop and complaining about it to my friend Carol who could barely hear me for the hacking.  She chimed in with how the same nagging cough plagued her for weeks.  This is the new boomer bonding. 

However, women I know complain less about, aches, pains and doctor’s appointments and more about sagging necks, drooping eye lids, nasolabial folds, receding jaw lines and sun damage.  My friend Liz sent me a picture of her face after a new kind of laser treatment and it was pretty gruesome - Bride of Frankenstein gruesome. Two weeks later she looks five years younger.  Laser me in on this.

Face, neck lifts and injectables are never off topic.  I would consider the face and neck, but once you lift there’s no there’s no unlifting eyes that no longer close or lips that look like cheeks. No guarantees baby. You could look decades younger or scare small children. I say play it safe and bring on the injectables. They’re not forever and can be dissolved if miserable. With this in mind, lovin’ me the needles filled with Jevederm.  Pinchy and pricey but so worth it. I recently got my missing upper lip back!  I’m happy and poor.

 Benn, I suggest for a change of subject matter you and your buddies take a good, hard, honest look in the mirror like women do.  I think you’ll have plenty of new topics about which to complain…

Photo by Guido Fuà on Unsplash